Kinder Beauty Box February 2023 Review no Swatches!

 Hiii - I have a confession I guess, that I have to make? I have no idea where all my photos for this Kinder Beauty Box have gone. I have no idea where I moved them to, and I’m starting to gaslight myself and wonder if I just never actually took them? Even though I like … I know I did? I know I did. Photos are like my favorite part of the process because that’s when I actually get to open everything and like swatch and get the good lighting and everything? But I can’t find them.

So I still have thoughts, but I have no swatches for you, and I’m starting to think I’m going crazy.

I didn’t do anything special with my Kinder Beauty for February - it’s a short month and I’ve been overwhelmed with the size of the Allure Beauty Box and the new size Glam Bag X I’ve been getting. 

This box was one of the most underwhelming for me. Just some strange products that didn’t fit my aesthetic or preferences - not that it’s a customized box, I know, but maybe I’m one of the outliers because these products just didn’t do anything for me.

First up is a bottle of apple cider vinegar gummies from a brand called Goli. I didn’t know they made apple cider vinegar gummies, but ever since I was a kid I’ve heard that apple cider vinegar is a great thing to just consistently take, so I thought this would be a good thing to have. So far I’ve had maybe a dozen of them, because I keep forgetting you’re supposed to take them a few times a day and at quantity, so I’m not going through them like I ought to be and maybe that’s why I don’t have much to say about them.

They taste like apple cider vinegar though 🕵️ Isn’t that amazing?

The texture is not bad too, it’s not like the ZZZquil ones that will dry out with time, it really is just a nice gummy. They’re big though, and come in a big jar, I think it’s a month’s supply if you take a couple of them a couple times a day.

Next I got the Botanical Radiance Face + Body Mask. I have actually never seen a face and body mask before - like, I’ve done body masks, but they always say be careful of your face, and face masks aren’t for the body either. Anyway, it comes in a pretty big tub, so I believe that it’s for both. The research says it’s supposed to be completely botanical, mixed together in a way that allows it to be a mask? Something like that. It’s a really interesting texture too - it’s very much like a paste? Like sort of hardened molasses? It’s got air bubbles in it, so you know it has to be very stable. And sticky.

The thing is, it dries down very quickly and starts to peel at the edges as if it were a peel mask, but it’s not, it's a crumble-off mask. The instructions said something about, it’ll dry and you just start rubbing in circles until it crumbles away, then rinse?

Eh?

But after it dried down I understood what it meant. Not my favorite feeling in the world, that it was just cracking and drying off. My favorite types of masks are the ones that go on wet and slowly solidify, but don’t actually start to just drop off.

My skin did feel good after, like cleansed, but I was only able to leave the mask on for a little while compared to my normal afternoon and it didn’t give me what I was looking for.

It just doesn’t call for me and I feel like it’s something that’ll be decluttered pretty quickly if I do decide to keep it.

Next up I received the Quick Slick Flyaway Hair Essence from the brand Insert Name Here - which is not a joke, or a typo, that’s the official name of the brand. I had never heard of them, probably because any time I heard their name I assumed there was some type of typo, and didn’t realize I was hearing about a real brand.

The idea for this project is so genius, in my opinion. It’s a little mascara-like component, with a wand that pulls out, but instead of pulling out and there’s mascara for your lashes, it’s a frizz tamer that you just gently run over your hair anywhere it’s got frizz.

And it does a great job, it definitely tames the little wispies. Unfortunately my hair is all wispies - up or down, day or night, summer or winter it’s made of wispies - so it’s hard to see the result on someone that I think this was more designed for, someone with very good hair who occasionally needs to tame one or two flyaways. So while it didn’t improve the general texture of my hair because that’s not it’s job and therefore it didn’t do it, it did do a good job smoothing out the strays that I did find with it. I have to possibly try this on a day that my hair is fine, so I can see if it helps maintain the fine.

Next is the Gingerade Hand Buttercream from 100% Pure. I hate this product. For one, I actually do smell like ginger ale when I use it. It’s so unnecessarily fragranced with a fragrance that’s not even cleansing. Ginger is a palette cleanser, not something you want hanging around all day. Also, the product is incredibly thick. It’s like a rich, thick shea butter. Maybe it would be good for overnight, but I exfoliate regularly and it’s still greasy. For me, a hand cream (unless it’s designed for someone who works in a kitchen maybe, or someone in a profession where they constantly have to wash their hands) is supposed to be light, refreshing, not overpowering, not sticky, not get in the way of my day. 

I will say, if you only use a tiny tiny bit it doesn’t feel greasy, but the fragrance does not compromise. I do not like it. I’m going to bring it to work with me and let customers use it.

And last up! The J+L Naturals Strawberry + Vanilla Lip Balm. Okay, this one is okay. The packaging is a little weird - it feels like it’s trying to be a lip balm someone made in their backyard. It’s not mechanical, it’s just like a tube you have to force up and down? It’s giving push-pop. Remember those ice creams when we were little where the stick is also how you get the ice cream up? That’s how this lip balm works, like there’s no twist, you have to push it.

The formula is good, but again, it’s giving farmer’s market. There’s nothing necessarily wrong with farmer’s markets, by the way, I love shopping at the market and I get some of my staples there. But that’s the vibes. Nothing says this should be sold in mainstream markets. It goes onto the lips a little less silkily than some of the other lip balms I’ve had, like less slippery, but it does smell and feel incredible and I do like it.

So all in all Kinder really let me down on this one. Nothing really stood out as very good or even something I’d continue to use. I don’t reach for anything that was in this box during my daily routine and am sort of glad to have lost the photos, because that makes writing the post that much easier.

I would have liked even one item of makeup to try, instead of all skincare and haircare and wellness. They photograph better and they’re easier to objectively appraise. But even if there weren’t, I just didn’t think any of this stuff was interesting or unique or from an interesting source, it just felt random and less cohesive than other boxes. 3/10 if I had to really get to the bottom of it.

Thanks for reading! I need to finish my Allure beauty post and then I’m thinking of doing an empties post - like, sure I like a lot of this stuff, but which ones do I actually use up? And I do have a couple bottles of used up product that I can talk about, with final thoughts and do I plan to buy again. I’m excited to do that because it’ll also maybe make me a little more cautious of which products I praise, because of all those, which ones do I actually work into my routine? 

I’ll see you guys there!

Talk soon,

Dani